Before becoming pregnant I wasn’t the most endowed person when
it came to my breast so I hadn’t really thought about what pregnancy would do
to my cup size. In college my friend
Rosanna introduced me to the Victoria Secret Very Sexy push up and I’ve been
fooling many a people since then! Even
with years of wearing a good push up I wasn’t prepared for what pregnancy would
do to the “girls.” They are seriously
out of control! Not only do they hurt,
but they just keep getting bigger and bigger!
The other day I went to the grocery store and the boy who checked me out
was literally staring at my chest. At
some point in my life I probably would’ve saw this as flattering, but for some
reason with a baby inside of me I just felt violated. Then again it was partly my fault; I’m still
adjusting how to dress a growing chest.
I was in the grocery store in a v-neck tank top so all my business was
exposed- serves me right that lil perv got a good look I guess.
Last week I wore a dress to work that I’ve had for quite
some time. It has sort of an empire waist
so it’s perfect for a growing belly.
However; the belly part was not the problem- my boobs were. I could barely zip the top with my bra on so
I had to go bra less to work. Well sort
of- I wore a backless bra that sticks to your skin and has zero support! That at least enabled me to zip the
dress. By the end of the day I seriously
thought my boobs were going to pop clean out of the dress and pop the zipper. I literally could not breathe. When Eran picked me up after work I jumped in
the car and begged him to unzip me. I
rode the whole way home with the seat laid back, boobs exposed with just a
backless bra but able to breathe! It was
awesome!!
Lately everyone wants to hug me to congratulate me on being
pregnant. That’s very nice and all, but
really I just want them to stay the hell away from my chest. It’s like in college when every damn body you
saw had to give you a hug between the Commons and the Hub when all you were
trying to do was check your mail and go to your dorm to take a nap. Sometimes I’d walk the front of campus just
to avoid all those damn hugs. My
friends who went to HBCUs said it was the same way, but I went to USM, a far
cry from a HBCU, but anyway…I digress. The
point is my boobs feel like pins are pricking them and when someone unleashes a
tight hug on me I want to scream, cry and smack the hell out of them all at the
same time. It’s an awful and downright
mean feeling. My friend Romika and I
always talk about creating some invention that will turn us into millionaires. I’m thinking we need to patent some sort of
pregnancy boob shield. Hmmm maybe I
shouldn’t have put that in cyber space. How do I trademark this? Does this Pregnancy Boob Shield ™ suffice?
The moral of this story is to a) shop for a new bra because
obviously I have “out grown” my current stash b) stop trying to squeeze into
pre-maternity tops and dresses because it’s not worth being unable to breathe c) wink at the boy next time at the grocery
store while simultaneously rubbing my belly just to freak his lil ass out and
d) begin discussing patent and trademark
law with Remix ASAP!
No comments:
Post a Comment